True story: I went to the bank today and walked up to my usually very effervescent and gregarious teller who was looking down and obviously in another place, mentally speaking. I took the liberty to let her know that I noticed her unusual demeanor, so I said, “You look very pensive, today”. She, in turn, said, “Thank you”. I had to chuckle to myself because judging by her response, I knew that she wasn’t really listening to what I’d say to her. I thought, Maybe she thought I said, you look expensive today, or perhaps, I like your hair extensions today. Or possibly, you’re impressive today. I don’t know. But I left there thinking how easy it is for us to misunderstand something that someone has said to us, simply because we weren’t tuned in at the time they were speaking to us.

I wonder how many people have lost jobs because someone wasn’t paying attention to what they said, and took their good words to an unfortunate level. I wonder how many people have missed out on a great opportunity, or were led to divorce court because someone else had a different or selfish agenda and repeatedly failed to really listen to what they were saying. Can we train our minds to tune in to someone when they’re talking to us? I’ve always told my children to look at the person they’re speaking to, and to do the same when someone else is doing the speaking. It’s just basic etiquette, nothing more. What about you? How do you listen to others? How do you tune in to God? How do you listen to the inner voices within your own soul? Do you try to multi-task while listening? Maybe that’s our problem; we multi-task too much. I mean, how long would it take to actually stop whatever we’re doing to really listen to what someone is saying to us: a spouse, a close friend, a boss, a counselor, an attention-starved child or even a wayward teenager.

People like to feel special. People need to feel special. And one of the ways we can make a person feel special is by actually listening to what they are saying to us. I often think that if we’re looking into the eyes of a person who is speaking to us, then we will even be able to see and hear the things that they cannot express in words. Recently, someone very dear to me was diagnosed with Breast Cancer. We were at a gathering and though ordinarily I’m not at a loss for words, I somehow got choked up and couldn’t say all I wanted to say to her. Later that same day, she sent me a text message saying that she saw the concern I have for her in my eyes. I knew then that she’d “heard” me through my eyes. I was so grateful that she had actually stopped and looked at me because otherwise she would have gotten a watered-down message, because I couldn’t speak. There’s something about eye contact that takes listening to a different level. Okay, so maybe you’re not into that eye contact thing, but you have to figure that if you’re looking at someone who’s speaking to you, then you can at least read their lips, right?

Now, what do we do about this new technology? People don’t like to talk to each other anymore. Emailing, Texting, Facebooking and Twittering is the new way of talking. I know I’m going old-school on you here, but that sucks. That really sucks.  Don’t get me wrong, I use technology, too. It’s just that it causes us to miss something that is so dear. Just, try this. The next time someone is speaking to you in person, try to actually stop and look that person in the eye. And if you’re one of the few brave soldiers around who don’t mind talking on the phone these days, stop everything else you’re doing, and listen to the person who’s speaking.

The thing with my bank lady wasn’t anything important at all. Okay, maybe she could have made a mistake and put all of my five dollars into someone else’s account (Smile). Perhaps the previous customer’s transaction left her in deep thought or something. But I just had to tell her how obviously pensive, or hair-extensive, or impressive or expensive she was about…… something. I can’t wait to see her next time. She’s usually so talkative and I need to practice listening well!

I would love to hear your thoughts on this article! Email me at dlewchris@yahoo.com.

Best,

Denise